Stefan was sitting on the ground, leaning against his pony Shiva, who lay behind him. Stefan had his eyes closed, and he was wearing a smile on his face. “Twelve year old kid just froze to death in a Bangor park. Half black, half white! He’s an uppity sausage casingling, who got thrown out of the house due to a combination of economic insecurity, and being too uppity. Tattered jeans, one tennis shoe, what’s left of a thermal shirt, and what’s left of a long sleeved, denim shirt. He’s wrapped in a threadbare blanket. Can I have ‘im?”
Thanatos closed his eyes. “Melvin Johnstone. Another incorrigible brat he is, that could have done better in a more functional household. Too bad! And you’re going to take him on as Stephanie?!”
“Aye.”
Thanatos smiled. “Don’t know if I like your present frame of mind. The kid is worth our time, but you’re feeling too playful for his own good.”
“I’d treat my cases pretty good. I usually do, except I admit I was a wee bit over the top with the band saw case; but you know I had a chip on my shoulder over that one.”
Thanatos looked at Stef. “I really wish you wouldn’t bring that up again.” He turned to me. “Donn! Which one of us shall keep Steffy-poo out of trouble.”
I was also sitting next to my pony companion, but I was stroking him. “Between your daemonic looks and Stef’s nose, you’re gonna scare the shite out o’ the lad.”
“Thank you,” said Stefan.
I smiled. “You two do it. I’ll watch the fun.”
“Bangor, Maine in early February ain’t no fun dude!” said Thanatos. “Not for those who are trapped outside and can’t turn their senses off.”
“Well, I’m sure you two can do something about that.”
“Let’s manifest us a nice, big old house on the outskirts of town, huh? Like the kind who’s orchards and gardens the Johnstones used to raid during the warmer months?” asked Stefan.
“Works for me.”
*****
Stephanie looked down at Melvin. “What a mess! Poor thing! Looks like he just as easily could have been starved to death as frozen. He’s also filthy.” Both Stephanie and Thanatos were dressed in thermals, jeans, warm boots, gloves, work shirts, and hooded jackets. Thanatos wore mirrored sunglasses. It was snowing lightly.
“Can’t clean up much in this weather. You know how cold those gas station bathrooms are?”
“I’ll leave it to my imagination, thank you,” said Stephanie.
The kid was curled up on a bench under an elm tree. No one had checked up on him. Everyone who walked by thought him a sleeping derelict to be avoided. Figures. Being black didn’t help him in this regard, either. “We’re time tripping back to the moment he died,” said Thanatos.
“The usual score.”
*****
In the Etheric illusion of a snow-covered park in Bangor, Stephanie held a cup of creamed coffee with sugar under Mel’s nose, and stroked his hair. “Dude! You look like you could use some warming up.”
Mel jerked up. “Huh?”
“You look like you’re freezing. We saw you, and got you a cup of coffee, a raspberry jelly doughnut, and a custard with maple topping,” said Stephanie. Thanatos was holding the bag of doughnuts.
Mel sat up. He eagerly took the cup, warming his almost frostbitten hands. “Thank you, ma’am. I do appreciate it.”
As I observed this, sight unseen, I could just about feel Stephanie’s hair stand on end at being called ‘ma’am’, and I had to laugh from my perspective. At least she had enough sense to let it go. “I’m Stephanie, and my boyfriend is Keith.” ‘Keith’ gave him the doughnuts.
“Kayth, huh?”
Keith said, “That’s the way the Irish pronounce it, but it’s spelled the same way as you do here. K-e-i-t-h.”
Melvin nodded. He liked the accents of these two, and went for the maple custard first. He dunked it in the coffee, and had a bite. “I’m Melvin. You have no idea how much this means to me.”
“We have to get you inside, or you’re not going to last until dark,” said Stephanie. “Do you trust us enough to come with us?”
Mel chuckled. “Anything has got to be better than this.”
‘How wrong you are,’ thought Stephanie. ‘Not that yours was an enviable position.’ Stef pointed to a black Lexus GS sedan. “That’s our car, and being you only have one shoe, I better carry you. First finish your cop food.”
Melvin laughed. “You’re carrying me?”
“Yes, me! I work out, and you look pretty light-weight anyway.” ‘Just you wait until you’re a captive audience, BUSTER!!!!!!!!!!!’
“Okay,” he said with some doubt in his voice, before he scarfed his two doughnuts and finished his now slightly warmer than tepid coffee. After he was done, Stef threw the empty cup, bag, and napkins in the trash, grabbed Melvin’s arm, and just hoisted him over her shoulders with as little finesse as possible.
“AAAAAAAACCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!”
“Don’t worry, I won’t drop you,” said Stephanie.
Keith chuckled silently. “Stef, be nice. Mel, careful with what you say to her! She’s a better man than me, and if anyone questions that, she’ll prove it to them.”
‘I’ll have to remember that,’ thought Melvin to himself. At least she was gentle when she deposited him in the back seat of the car Melvin couldn’t even have dreamed himself of being in. “I smell bad,” he said.
“So, take a shower when we get home,” said Stephanie.
“Where do you live?” asked Melvin.
“North end of town. About five kilometres,” said Stephanie, as she and Keith got in the car. Keith took the driver’s seat.
“Make that three miles. Remember where we are, Stef,” said Keith.
“Why are you guys doing this?” asked Melvin.
“You looked like you needed help. Now how did you get in your predicament?” asked Keith.
“After being called a no-good son of a bitch, I got kicked out of the house. Sassed mom and pa too much, I guess. They didn’t have any money, either. Pa said what little they had was better spent on my brother and little sister. At least they do what they’re told.”
“How long ago was that?” asked Keith.
“About two weeks. I spend my nights in one of the shelters, but I can’t stay there during the day. I had better clothes, but they got stolen. I’d found these that I’m wearing in a dumpster and the blanket, and when I tried to wash my regular clothes with some money I begged, I lost them. My hooded coat, too! The reason I only have my right shoe is one day, a cop rousted me from a hall in a motel I went to, to get out of the cold, and he took the other one, telling me he wanted to teach me a lesson. Said I wasn’t supposed to be there. I guess everyone wanted to kill me without going to jail.”
“Sounds like it,” said Stephanie. “But we’ll show them.”
“Does that mean I can live with you?” Melvin just blurted out without thinking.
“I guess so. If you want to! But we don’t have any kids,” said Keith.
‘Thanks for the set up,’ sent Stephanie to Keith telepathically.
‘No problem,’ sent Keith back.
“Not any more, anyway,” said Stephanie.
Melvin looked at both of them. They looked too young to have grown children move on. “What happened to them?”
“We’ll tell you later,” said Stephanie. “What kind of food were you used to eating?”
“Rice, beans, tuna from the food stamps, in the late spring, summer and early fall we raided gardens, and sometimes we even got eggs, and what the church fed us. I also got lunch at school, but I can’t go to school like this.”
“Why didn’t you go to the cops when your parents kicked you out?” asked Keith.
“My parents told me there’d be Hell to pay if I did. I’d gotten beat up pretty badly a couple of times by my pa. My parents never seemed to like me much. Always treated Adam and Jackie better.”
“You could have told the cops that, and you would have been put in foster care, and your parents would have gone to jail,” Keith paused. “But foster care might have split you up from your brother and sister, and it’s a hit and miss deal.” Keith looked at Stephanie. “Maybe it is better like this.”
Stephanie wrinkled her nose, and looked at Keith. “Looks like this one is going to have to be detoxified.”
Keith looked up to the roof of the car for a slit second, then let loose a ‘”Tssssshhht”, with a little chuckle. “Does sound like it.”
“Huh?”
“We only eat organic and free range. You’ll also have to excuse the fact we’re vegetarian when it comes to animals,” said Stephanie.
“Oh!” Too bad, but it was better than starving. “Okay.” The thing about ‘when it comes to animals’ went totally over Melvin’s head.
Not much was said for the rest of the trip home, which wasn’t that far. Melvin was just glad to be out of the cold. The car was nice and toasty by now.
*****
As always, Stef and Keith had manifested an uber-elaborate house. A huge three story Victorian with attic, basement, sub-basement, porch that went down two sides of the house with Greek columns, two balconies in front, one on the side, and one in back, a small roof-top roost that would overlook the street, two turrets, four fireplaces, lots of defoliated deciduous trees, lush, green bushes surrounding much of it, a hundred-metre driveway, a front lawn gazebo, a fountain, and snow covered stone paths that could not be seen at the moment. It had a hexagram painted on the front wall over the right balcony “Wow! You guys are Hell ‘o rich, huh?”
“In the way that counts, I suppose we are. You know this is just borrowed real estate. Can’t take it with us, you know?” asked Stephanie.
“If you say so,” said Melvin.
Keith said, “Stephanie, if you’re goin’ to sling the lad over your shoulders again, I think I better carry him in.”
“You do that! After he gets cleaned up and fed, he is gonna give us his stats, tell us what he wants, and you can go down to the store and get him what he needs.”
“Me?” asked Keith.
“Hey! You’re my bitch, aren’t you?” asked Stephanie
‘You just wait, Stef! You just WAIT!!!!!!!!!’ “Uh, I guess so,” said Keith.
Melvin laughed. “Are you guys serious?”
The old joke made another round. “Dead serious,” said Stephanie with a smile that showed the fangs she was now wearing in full glory, but she was facing away from Melvin.
“You guys are a trip. I like the way you talk. Your accents?”
“Irish,” said Keith.
“When did you move here?” asked Melvin as Keith parked the car.
“We didn’t. We just have property here,” said Keith.
“Damn!”
“Aye, now let’s get you inside for some real food,” said Keith.
“I’ll help you make it, Keith,” said Stephanie.
“Kind of you,” said Keith. ‘I’m gonna getcha later, baby, and I’m gonna have Donn’s help,’ he sent to Stephanie.
‘Sounds like fun,’ sent Stephanie back.
‘Oh, it will be. Trust me! Hours, or um...maybe days?’
‘Ooooh! Works for me, lover.’
Keith blew her a kiss, and winked. It was an idle threat. He got out of the car with Stef, opened the back, and got Melvin into his arms. He picked him up, kicked the door shut, and headed for the house, with Stephanie running ahead of him. She just opened the door.
“You guys don’t lock this?” asked Melvin.
“We don’t have to,” said Stephanie. “Trust me.”
“I never knew there was anything like this house in this part of town. Then again, I don’t think I ever came here,” said Melvin.
“No reason for anyone to come here, except if a hiker comes on the property by accident, not that we care. We’re on a little side road that ends a mile further, said Keith.”
“Oh.”
Keith carried Melvin in. The house was decorated in Puritan-style furniture, and of course there were paintings up of all of our main core contrived family, which Melvin ignored in his discomfort. As soon as Keith was over the carpet, he put Melvin down. “Want to take a shower now? We’ll start working on dinner, and you shouldn’t have to wait too long before it’s ready. I can get you a robe, and somewhere in this house there might be some clothes that might almost fit you.”
“Okay, thanks.”
Keith pointed to the hall. “Up those stairs to third door to the right. I’ll have some stuff hanging up for you on the doorknob when you get out. There’s an unopened toothbrush and another unopened hairbrush you can use on the counter by the sink. ”
“Thanks a lot, you two. I almost can’t believe this is happening.”
Keith pulled his hood back. “It is.”
“You’re an albino?”
“Uh, sure.” He took his jacket off.
“And you’re the bitch?!”
Keith laughed. “In reality, we trade places. Sometimes. It’s a long story, but don’t worry about it. Stef is one of my best friends. Nose and all.”
“I almost didn’t want to mention it. It’s not polite, but that nose. . .”
“She had it enhanced. She like big noses.”
Melvin’s lower jaw dropped. “She had that done to her?”
“Well, she most certainly wasn’t born with that honker.”
Now Melvin laughed. “I think I’m going to take that shower now.”
“You do that.”
*****
This was awesome. The bathroom looked totally refurbished with stark white tiles, and undamaged chrome. Everything was of simple design, and easy to clean. The water pressure of the shower was stronger than anything he’d ever experienced, and the soap wasn’t something he’d ever seen, either. Sandalwood, and it smelled heavenly. The shampoo was jasmine. He thought it smelled kind of girly, but he wasn’t going to complain. It was good getting clean again. He spent a long time under the hot water, just luxuriating in the circumstances. What finally got him out of it was the fact his stomach was underfed. Two doughnuts and a coffee just couldn’t compensate for two weeks of barely any food.
After he dried off, he opened the door. Sure enough, there was a hanger on the knob with a pair of black jeans, a t-shirt, a long sleeved black shirt, underwear, and socks. A pair of slippers were on the floor by the door. Bunny slippers, of all things! Man, how undignified, but it wasn’t like he had a choice. He got into everything, just took it for granted that it all fit perfectly, brushed his Afro, and went down stairs. Something smelled real good.
When Melvin went into the kitchen, Stephanie was pulling something from the oven, and Keith was dishing some rice on three plates. A spicy potato and spinach mixture! “It’s East Indian. Biryani, with aloo palak! It’s a rice, pea, mushroom and cheese mixture, with curried spinach and potatoes. I’ll bring some onion kulcha out in a minute. It’s a stuffed flat bread, and we can have mango lassis to drink, along with some chai. Make this a full Indian dinner,” said Stephanie.
“I don’t know what any of that is,” said Melvin.
“If you don’t like it, you’re a sick puppy,” said Stephanie. “After I load your plate, you can take it to the dining room, and sit wherever you want. I’ll bring the drinks in, in a minute.”
“All right,” said Melvin. He couldn’t wait to dig in. He had a feeling he’d like it. He was ready to go, as soon as Keith put the bread on the plate.
Melvin went into the dining room, and sat next to the head of the table. There was a place setting all ready for every chair, with very fancy blue rimmed plates with pictures of ships on them, and silverware that looked like it was freshly polished real silver. In a little bit, Stephanie and Keith came in with their own plates. Stephanie sat down across from him, and Keith went back to the kitchen to bring out a large pitcher, and a teakettle. He poured everyone a thick, iced orange beverage, and some creamed tea. When Melvin had a sip of the lassi, he thought he was in heaven. “This is all delicious. I never thought food could taste this good.”
“Considering your diet, I can understand. But hopefully with this food, you’ll fatten up a bit rather fast,” said Stephanie.
“Maybe,” said Melvin, before having a bite of the kulcha. He looked at Keith’s sunglasses, and noted a red light. “Keith! Your eyes? There’s a red light behind your sunglasses.”
“Don’t freak too much. They’re like Stephanie’s nose. Artificial.” He took his glasses off, and gave Melvin a neon stare as he sat down next to Stephanie.
Stephanie pushed her chair back, stood up, looked at Keith, and crossed her arms. “You told him my nose was enhanced? How dare you embarrass me like that! I mean this is a NOSE! Not tits, or anything stupid like that.” She didn’t yell too loud, but it was apparent she was not happy.
Keith was struggling not to laugh. “Stef, you have no tits!”
Stephanie sat down again. “I have no problem with that, but if anyone starts thinking less of me for having been born under-endowed in the noscular department, I will NEVER forgive you!”
Keith pointed at Stephanie, and looked at Melvin. “Actually her natural nose was pretty big, but do you think any less of her for having her nose enhanced?”
Melvin just shook his head very fast, not sure what he had gotten himself into. Well, at least the food was good. So was the tea, and if he died while drinking the last of the mango lassi, he’d be happy.
Keith looked at Stephanie. “I sure don’t.”
Melvin asked Keith after he swallowed his mouthful. “Can you see Okay?”
“My vision is better than most, and I can see in pitch black with my enhancement. Thank the gods I’m not as into having a nose that crosses state lines, or there wouldn’t be enough room for all three of us at this table.”
That one got Melvin laughing pretty hard. Maybe this wasn’t so bad. He guessed these two were joking around, and they seemed Okay. “You two are funny!” They were also more beautiful than anyone he’d ever seen in person. Even Stephanie, with the nose. She had the most striking eyes. He’d never seen that shade of blue before. It wasn’t quite what he thought of as blue, really. They were so flawless, with unmarked skin, and such thick hair. Though he had to think, if he hadn’t been told Stephanie was a woman, he wouldn’t be able to tell what she was by just looking at her, not that it deterred from her attractiveness.
Stephanie and Keith locked eyes. When Melvin had himself under control, Stephanie said, “Keith, do you have any idea on how much I miss tandoori long pig?”
“I thought you were vegetarian?” aske Melvin. He had no idea what long pig was.
Stephanie finally showed off her fangs. “I said we don’t eat animals. You know when I said we don’t have children any more? We ate them. I am a member of The Church of Euthanasia, and one of their bumper stickers and t-shirts that they used to have, said; ‘Eat People, Not Animals’.
Melvin sat back in his chair. “I think I want to go back to that park bench, and freeze to death.”
Keith laughed. “Stef, stop it! This kid does NOT deserve this.” Melvin now noticed Keith also had one mean set of fangs. Both had upper and lower fangs. They looked real. Oh, shit!
Stephanie herself started laughing. “No, don’t worry. We won’t eat you. I wanted to play a long joke on you, but you’re too nice. I suppose we should now tell you the truth on what’s really going on.
“Please,” said Melvin.
*****
So Melvin Johnstone was dead. Frozen to death, and didn’t know it because his mind had been absconded with by these two nut cases. Well, this wasn’t what he’d expected when he died, but it wasn’t too bad.
Melvin was now back in the adult form that was due him, and at Tech Duinn with the rest of us. He had just finished reading The Xanon Chronicles, and we amused him to no end. “You know, you ought to incorporate, and call yourselves, ‘Mind-Fucks R Us’, or something,” he suggested to me.
“That’s an idea, but that’s not the way things work around here,” I said with a chuckle.
Stefan, now in male again, said, “Melvin?”
“Yes?”
“I have a confession to make.”
“This I gotta hear,” said Melvin.
Stefan smiled. “Even if I were into tandoori long pig, I wouldn’t have eaten you. I mean, you might have been free range, but you were NOT organic. After all, I do have my standards.”
Melvin threw his head back in laughter. “Stefan, that’s good to hear.” He then stopped laughing, and scowled. “I think!”
That one busted the rest of us up. He’d be here a while.
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